hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
