There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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