Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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