So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
