Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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