Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
