I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
