pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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