just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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