i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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