Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
