Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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