She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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