I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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