he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize