you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
