3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
