what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
