just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
