if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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