you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
