Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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