in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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