As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize