I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
