this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
