Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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