dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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