apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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