Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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