That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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