Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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