On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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