i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
