when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
