I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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