fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize