I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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