i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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