I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
