i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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