you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize