youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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