Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
