Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
