the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize