i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
