I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
