drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
