GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
