I showed him my bush... on skype.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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