I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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