it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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