hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
