he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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