I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
