if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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