i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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