i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Couch. On fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
