I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Watching her eat just hurts me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
