please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
