oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I believe in your delicious
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize