also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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