How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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