I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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