Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
