I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
