Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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