JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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